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Best Friends

Mackie and Rogue
June 2008

Mackie, Meet Rogue

Mackie received a puppy named \"Rogue\" for Christmas.

Mac is learning to share... After Rogue \"stole\" her new Christmas toy.

All I Want For Christmas...

mac

Tread - Mill Mackie

\" A Little Gasoline... \"

Pushing myself and this old machine. Burning fumes and what\'s left of my dreams.
Let \'em go cause I don\'t need no strings Just give me a road and a Little Gasoline

Music: \"A Little Gasoline\", by Terri Clark

CRAZY

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted \"CRAZY\" then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So I hung Upside down from the ceiling and made funny noises. My coworker (who\'s blonde) asked me what I was doing? I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was \"CRAZY\" and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked \"What are you doing?\" I told him I was a light bulb. He said \"You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.\" I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my coworker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss said to her, \"And where do you think you\'re going?\"

She said, \"I\'m going home too, I can\'t work in the dark!\"

Seeing Eye Dog

A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head.

The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange. So, he decides to find out what\'s going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, \"Pardon me. May I help you with something.\"

The blind man says, \"No thanks. I\'m just looking around.\"

As I Mature

Chatroom Tech Support

Hymn #365

A minister was completing a Temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, \"If I
had all the beer in the world, I\'d take it and pour it into the river.\"

With even greater emphasis he said, \"And if I had All the wine in the world, I\'d take it and pour it into the river.\"

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, \"And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I\'d take it and pour it into the river.\" Sermon complete, he sat down.

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, nearly laughing, \"For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365, \"Shall We Gather at the River.\"

See you at the river.

ALTER BOY�S CONFESSION

\"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl\".

The priest asks, \"Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?\"

\"Yes, Father, it is.\"

\"And who was the girl you were with?\"

\"I can�t tell you, Father, I don�t want to ruin her reputation.\"

\"Well, Johnny, I�m sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?\"

\"I cannot say.\"

\"Was it Teresa Volpe?\"

\"I�ll never tell.\"

\"Was it Nina Capelli?\"

\"I�m sorry, but I cannot name her.\"

\"Was it Cathy Piriano?\"

\"My lips are sealed.\"

\"Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?\"

\"Please, Father, I cannot tell you.\"

The priest sighs in frustration. \"You�re very tight lipped, Johnny Parisi, and I admire that. But you�ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.\"

Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides over and whispers, \"What�d you get?\"

\"Four months vacation and five good leads.\"

Ole and Lena

Ole picks up Lena at a bar and takes her home with him.

He takes off his shirt and Lena says, \"Vat a great chest you have, Ole.\"
Ole tells her, \"Dat\'s 100 lb. of dynamite, baby.

Ole takes off his pants and the Lena says, \"Vat massive calves you have, Ole.\"
Ole tells her, \"Dat\'s 100 lb. of dynamite, baby.\"

Ole then removes his underwear and Lena goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear.

Ole puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks, \"Vy you run out like dat on me Lena?\"
Lena replies, \"Ole, I vas afraid to be around all of dat dynamite after I saw how short the fuse vas.\"

Border Control

Everyone concentrates on the problems we\'re having in this country lately; illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, wild animals attacking humans in Florida

Not me. I concentrate on solutions to problems. The result is a win-win-win situation:
+ Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border
+ Use the dirt to raise the levies in New Orleans
+ Put the Florida alligators in the moat.

Any other problems you would like for me to solve today?

AN INTERESTING BUT NOT TOO SURPRISING STUDY....

A study conducted by UCLA\'s Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with a spear lodged in his chest and tape over his mouth while he is on fire. No further studies are planned.

Christmas Cookies

Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup or brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer... Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it\'s best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try another cup...just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the frigging fruit off the floor..

Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz a sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don\'t forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

Cherry Mistmas!!!!